


The Cathcart Emails

by Ankaret



Category: The Comfortable Courtesan - Madame C- C-
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 08:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5328026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankaret/pseuds/Ankaret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soon after the rediscovery of Madame C-C-'s memoirs, an independent production company attempts to make a documentary tracking down the descendants of the Memoirs' characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cathcart Emails

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AJHall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJHall/gifts).



FROM: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]  
TO: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
SUBJECT: Cathcart Memoir Descendant Project

Daz: 

I agree that the project could use a catchier title. However, you have already pitched your alternative, and both Jeremy and I agree that it will not be going ahead under the title of _Who Do You Think You W---e_? 

Yours  
Sada Kaur  
Noisy Bear Productions

* * *

FROM: Jeremy Richards [mailto:jsrichards@noisybear.co.uk]  
TO: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]  
CC: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
SUBJECT: Cathcart Memoir Descendant Project

Dear Sada 

Thanks for making time to catch me up on the Cathcart Project. I'm afraid the prestige three hour drama-doc special is a no-go. Think more along the lines of two forty-seven minute episodes. 

Since we've got Keenan Hector Phillips on board (first black Bond! great marketing synergy!) I've got the green light from Bea to try to get buy-in from Amanda Foreman as narrator. If she's busy try Lucy Worsley but make it clear to her we can afford **no more than five costume changes.**

Daz's suggestion of Sir Bruce Forsyth on grounds that 'he was around back then' is completely unsuitable. We can't afford him.

Can you update me as soon as possible on Daz's progress in contacting the descendants.

Cheers 

Jeremy Richards  
Commissioning Editor  
Noisy Bear Productions  


* * *

FROM: Rory MacD- [mailto:trevorandrory@sayyesscotland.org  
TO: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
SUBJECT: Your family history  
Hi Daz

Interesting news about my however-many-greats uncle Alexander MacD-! My husband T and I had a good laugh about it and we downloaded a few of old Alex's works from Gutenberg though I have to say we've found them rather hard going.

If you can send a camera crew up to Bridge of Balgie we would be happy to talk to you. We cannot travel to London as Trevor has vowed never to set foot there again after an altercation with a noted Labour MP during the Referendum campaign. (You might have seen it online – google 'Atholl Brose Incident'.)

Yours aye  
Rory MacD-

* * *

FROM: Lise Rasmussen [lise@rasmussenrepresentation.com]]  
TO: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
SUBJECT: KHP availability

Hi Daz

Sorry to say KHP is off on a press junket for _Hildebrand_ all that month. Alternative date is also a no go because he will be hosting the Mobo Awards.  
To help out an old mate, I can give you _Hollyoaks_ ' Diane M-, hotly tipped to be the new Who companion (you heard it here first). Says she's happy to dress up in a corset.

Lx

* * *

FROM: Emma Soames [emma@nationsheritage.com]]  
TO: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
SUBJECT: Portrait

Dear Mr James  
As Senior Trustee of the M- Bequest, I am writing to you to confirm that we are willing, _in principle_ , to open discussions with regard to allowing Noisy Bear Productions to use three paintings from the Bequest in your upcoming documentary. You will need to liaise with our Conservation Team in putting together a full proposal for transport, storage and stewardship of the paintings while they are in your care. I will also need full particulars from your insurers. 

As far as the fourth painting you requested, I regret to say that it is on indefinite loan to the Wombat Conservation Trust. 

I look forward to hearing from you.  


Yours  
Emma Soames  
Senior Trustee, The M- Bequest

* * *

FROM: Minnie D- [mailto:minniegossip@minniegossipsite.org]]  
TO: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
SUBJECT: Your ancestors

LIAK OMG  
Usually I blog about hot news not centuries old stuff but il make an exception for THIS  
I have been interviewed several times on cable but this my first time on regular snail tv  
it will be OK for me to interview keenan philips for my blog also?  
awsum  


MINNIE D-  
BLOG ENTREPRENEUR  
twitter: @minnied  
facebook: minnie d-  
instagram: minnied  


* * *

FROM: Bea Lloyd [mailto:contentcreation@noisybear.co.uk]  
TO: Jeremy Richards [mailto:jsrichards@noisybear.co.uk]  
CC: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]  


Jeremy, Sada: 

This is not good enough. You pitched this project to me on the understanding that Keenan Hector Phillips would be a participant. Sort it out at once. 

Remember, I can always make use of your funding on the headline Dame Emmeline A- retrospective.

Yours  
Bea Lloyd  
Head of Content Creation  
Noisy Bear Productions  


* * *

FROM: Dr. Anne Grace G- [mailto:annegg@awactionau.com.au]  
TO: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]  
SUBJECT: RE: your family history

Hi Sada 

Got to admit I'm a bit surprised by your email. I'd got the impression that the project would focus on my Aboriginal heritage. Can't say I'm as interested in finding out my links to some old missionary and his other half! Still, as it happens I'll be in London between the dates you mentioned attending a conference, so I can give you an hour or two. Gotta find out whether I'm related to Keenan Hector Phillips! Hopefully not too related! (Is he single?)

Anne Grace G-  
Founder, Aboriginal Womens Action Australia

* * *

FROM: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
TO: Lise Rasmussen [lise@rasmussenrepresentation.com]  
SUBJECT: KHP availability

Mate! Maaaaaaaaaaaaate! You can't do this to me!

Tell you what we will fly a crew out to the hilda brand location and interview Keenz there. Great synergy like Jezza always says. First Black Bond descended from butler. The yanks will lap it up. Theres a portrait even looks like him.

daz-o

* * *

FROM: Lise Rasmussen [lise@rasmussenrepresentation.com]]  
TO: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
SUBJECT: KHP availability

Hi Daz

Ring me _urgently_ re Cathcart Project. KHP connection to some dead white lady's butler a total no-no. Possibility of boycott. Cannot emphasise enough _Hildebrand_ is stylish action reboot, not _Driving Miss Daisy_.

Will see what I can do about a set visit but keep the lid on this or you / Noisy Bear are off the Christmas list, 'kay?

Lx

* * *

FROM: Rev Dr Claire N- [mailto:revclairen@stmaryallnotts.org]  
TO: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]  
SUBJECT: Family History

Dear Sada

I was delighted to receive your most unexpected email. I would be most interested to take part in this project, so long as the interview does not fall within Holy Week when I am extremely busy.

Yours in Xto  
Claire N-  


* * *

FROM: Brandy Muller [mailto:republicanbrandy@ocforprez.org]  
TO: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
SUBJECT: Re: hey guv

Hi Daz!

Governor O'C- regrets that he cannot see his way to assisting with your project. He further asks me to say that his great-aunt traced the O'C- family tree some years ago, and that it led to a very respectable connection to the E-'s of Pennsylvania and various other hard-working American folk, and that he has no recollection of any connection with a felon in the Old Country, much less a lady of the profession you described. He has asked me to remind you that there are penalties for those who make slurs against his character or those of other prominent Irish Americans.

O'C 2020!  
Brandy Muller  
Office of the Governor  


VOTE NO ON TWELVE – KEEP OUR STATE SAFE – REMEMBER  
AN EX OFFENDER IS ONLY ONE LETTER AWAY FROM A SEX OFFENDER  


* * *

FROM: Emma Soames [emma@nationsheritage.com]]  
TO: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]  
SUBJECT: Re: The Bequest

Dear Ms Kaur  
I was extremely surprised to receive a telephone call from your colleague Mr James in which he offered to 'send a couple of lads round with a white van' to collect the Antipodean Flora and the two other works of art. I trust this was some kind of misunderstanding. In any event we have not yet received the necessary documentation which the Board of Trustees requires in order to assess your request. 

Will you also please inform your colleague Mr James that he should not address Lady Magdalene M- as 'Mate' should she happen to answer the telephone: the proper greeting is 'Your Ladyship'.

Yours very sincerely

Emma Soames  
Senior Trustee, The M- Bequest  


* * *

FROM: Bea Lloyd [mailto:contentcreation@noisybear.co.uk]  
TO: Jeremy Richards [mailto:jsrichards@noisybear.co.uk]  
CC: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]

Jeremy, Sada: 

Without Keenan Phillips the Cathcart Project is OFF. Tell Daz to clear his desk. I'm still considering whether to ask you to clear yours.

Yours  
Bea Lloyd  
Head of Content Creation  
Noisy Bear Productions

* * *

FROM: Lise Rasmussen [lise@rasmussenrepresentation.com]]  
TO: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
SUBJECT: KHP availability

Haven't heard back from you. Everything OK?

Sure I can't tempt you with Diane M-? She's back out of the clinic and everything.

Lx

* * *

FROM: Nathaniel F- MP [mailto:natf@houseofcommons.org]  
TO: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]  
SUBJECT: Family History

Dear Sada

Sorry for late reply! Your email got stuck in a spam filter as I am afraid often happens with the House of Commons email system. Yes, I would be delighted to take part in the documentary, House and constituency work permitting. There are also some papers in the Family Collection housed in my constituency's Industrial Museum, which I think would be of interest to you.

I hope you don't mind, but I have also taken the liberty of speaking to Dame Emmeline A- as she is an old friend of the family and a great fan of the Memoirs. Would there be room for her to read a few of her favourite excerpts? As you know, being in her nineties, she has not been taking on much new work lately but would be delighted to come out of her elegant semi-retirement for this.

Please do let me know  
Nat F-

. 

* * *

FROM: Lise Rasmussen [lise@rasmussenrepresentation.com]]  
TO: Daz James [mailto:theamazingdazisnotonfire@gmaill.com]  
CC: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]  
CC: Jeremy Richards [mailto:jsrichards@noisybear.co.uk]  
SUBJECT: Great news!

Hey Daz-O! Copying in Sada and Jeremy as I haven't heard from you in a while.

Great news! KHP is a BIG fan of Dame Emmeline and is willing to drop everything (not literally!) and fly over to meet her. Butler thing all OK. Hildebrand producers say it will play well in the heritage sector.

Contact me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

Love and kisses  
Lx  


* * *

FROM: Bea Lloyd [mailto:contentcreation@noisybear.co.uk]  
TO: Jeremy Richards [mailto:jsrichards@noisybear.co.uk]  
CC: Sada Kaur [mailto:creativesada@noisybear.co.uk]  


Jeremy, Sada: 

Cathcart Project is BACK ON. Spare no expense. Look into Billie Piper to play Madame C-, Sean Bean for Mr F-, Sarah Parish for Mrs F-. If not Sarah Parish try Sarah Lancashire. CONTACT SAMANTHA MUMBA ASAP re Tibby, Beyonce re Seraphine.

This is our landmark project for this season. Don't let me down.

Yours  
Bea Lloyd  
Head of Content Creation  



End file.
